I tried learning of different religions and trying to find the common link between them all. I knew that they all tried to teach the right thing in so far as being honorable, respectable, charitable and other worthy virtues. I thought that they all were somewhat related, but because of the difference of language and culture, they all had different names for God and different practices on how to honor and obey Him.
I finally decided that I didnít want to choose the wrong one, so I decided if I just followed the positive message and followed the "golden rule" I would be all right. I thought that for quite some time, in fact I still believe some of it today, but I know there's much more to it than that. What I was believing was just basic and flawed in the fact that I thought that good deeds or works would be the discerner of my entrance into heaven.
I've come to learn that that belief is terribly in error and I was on the road to eternal damnation. For there is only one way and no one enters but by Him.
My trust is not as convicting as I would like it to be. I find that I am still worldly in some respects, but I keep striving and praying for help. Through study I've learned things I didnít have the slightest notion of. A little of it has been discouraging and distressful, but only because it showed how much of a sinner I was, and it painted an ugly picture of my supposed Christian walk. As I said I'm still striving and I pray daily for help in me living the life that the Lord wills for me to live.
I'm often chastened for my infractions, but I know also that God has a plan for me and He means to make sure its carried out because otherwise I'd probably wouldnít be here. He has consistently protected me in precarious situations and predicaments in which I realize I was in his protective hands. Though my trust could be a lot more complete, I can say I trust Jesus in that I have no hand or input in rather trusting Him over any others. If I could just hand over more of the reins wholeheartedly I'd be doing alright. Its just hard letting go when its been all youíve lived.
Since I've trusted Christ Ė I've been less stressed. I wont say I donít worry at allÖ I wont even say that I'm completely convinced that everything will be alright. I do know that even though it might not be what I want, it is for my best and thatís what is most important. I thoroughly trust that He will do His best for me, despite my human passions and desires.
I should be thankful (and I am) that He doesnít allow all I want to do and experience, just going by the present address that I reside at as testimony that I definitely donít always make the best decisions for myself. I will continue to trust Him, for if I cant trust perfection who's ways are so much higher than my own, who's mind I cant even fathom, who knew me in pre-existence and most importantly died for my sins while and before I even arrived to sin, there is no one (else) to trust, because no one else has those credentials, in existence.